?

Log in

* [entries|friends|calendar]
kina

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[08 Aug 2008|02:24am]


[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v440/mopheadrock/kellyme.jpg[/IMG]
post comment

Te Quiero Este Año [01 Jan 2007|03:29am]
Happy New Year's to whomever is reading this. The new year begins and I am sitting in my room typing away at my lj that is in desperate need of a new entry. I am absolutely stuffed with food and chardonnay. yumyum. And NO, I am not drunk, I killed that buzz with a bit of Martinelli's apple cider. I wish I were drunk though and were raving through the streets of Pasadena before the Rose Parade. Oh my. I'll always love the Rose Parade. It'll be the only time I'll ever get to see my hometown get so televised. Unless something else happens. I don't know.

USC vs. Michigan
I guess I'll have to stay true to my SoCal roots and back up USC, which really isn't my university. It's my cousin's.. but I don't think that counts. Nevertheless... Go TROJANS!

Speaking of the Rose Parade, I just remembered that George Lucas is the Grand Marshall. Isn't that wonderful??? For a Star Wars fan, that is absolutely superb, especially with Storm Troopers marching forth down Colorado Blvd. Good God. What am I doing here??? I should be joining the masses to see this fantasmic ordeal. And I'm not being sarcastic. Wow. I really should be up there to watch. Well, it's not like it's an annual tradition. I wouldn't stay out in the cold on the streets any time soon. Nah. Have to gather up energy over time. It's a once in every ten years kind of thing. Hahaha. So much for holiday traditions. Need to start making some good traditions that will last, though. That's really important.
post comment

Shitty Ass Morning [11 Nov 2006|05:12pm]
It's Veteran's Day weekend, and we're celebrating with the veterans by drinking our asses off. Gabby and I were being studious and doing our homework until around 11:45pm. We still had time to catch Ken's party, so we get ready.. but by the time we get there, there is no party. Probably because no one's here this weekend. Everyone's gone.

So we go to Rite-Aid to buy more juice, since we were out anyway. Then we get back to UVT, and as I come down the stairs, I see a big ass in a window. I count the number of floors... 4th floor. So I'm guessing that's Nick's butt. So Gabby and I stare until we see Nick stand up, and it looks like some other people were there. Of course, we didn't want to be left behind, so we IMed Hassan to see if we could come up. He said "come up if you want to". We wanted to and went up. We weren't exactly welcome there, even though we brought our own stash. But Clapton was down to go downstairs with us and chill. Hassan was busy taking care of a very trashed Esteban, so he came down later. A bunch of drinks and a scary ghost story later, me, gabby, and clapton head down to the jacuzzi at 4 AM, 6 hours after the pool closes. So we snuck in cuz my fucking key didn't work.

Glorious 30 minutes in the jacuzzi... the security guard caught us, but was kind enough to give us some more time. We went back to my room and found out my key didn't work. After 15 minutes of sliding the card in and out of the door, we gave up. We didn't have our phones, either. Head out to Clapton's apartment and we all "slept" in his bed. Gabby was too hyper to sleep. I had to sleep cuz my parents and relatives were dropping by in the morning.

Didn't fall asleep till 7Am. Woke up around 9AM. Since I was sleeping in the middle, I got up and took the blanket off of Gabby, when she yelled "Kina! Move your ass! It's cold!" I said, "Good, get up!" But she didn't, so I just left her there.

Went downstairs to see if the leasing office was open. It's office hours said 9AM.. and it was definitely around 9:15 AM. Remember, I came back from the jacuzzi, I borrowed a shirt from Clapton. But I had no shorts or pants. So I was wrapped in a towel without a bra on; I was holding my swimsuit top in my hands. No one was in the office. It was dark, too. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should go back to the apartment and ring the doorbell to wake up all of the guys. Plus, Nick had his friend sleeping on the couch, so I didn't want to wake him up. Luckily, I had my car keys because it was fuckin freezing. My towel was still wet and it finally got colder for winter. So I'm walking upstairs to the parking lot, and a security guard woman looks at me in a weird way, "excuse me, what are you doing here?" I explained that I was locked out of my room but she couldn't do anything about it. Stupid ass bitch.

I wait in my car for an hour, listening to the radio. I left the car thinking I was good since people should be in the office by now. Nope. Wrong. It was around 10 and I was waiting in front of the office. A guy who needed something from the office came by, I asked him what time it was, and it was 10:15. So I'd been waiting there for 20 minutes in the cold. Finally, the guy went to look for a maintenance dude. The big black dude came by and went into the office to turn on the lights. He came out, looks at me up and down with an ugly look on his face, "What do you want?" Maybe he thought I was some kind of hobo, cuz I had smeared makeup, messed up hair- basically looked like shit. I told him that my card didn't work. He just stuck out his hand for the card. I opened my cardholder, and it wasn't there. I left it in the car, but I was frustrated because I didn't want to walk anymore. I walk upstairs and get the card from the car. I walk downstairs and a couple of guys passed me by, all with the same look like "Ha, she's doing the Walk of Shame!" Humiliating. I give the man the card and apparently by card "expired". So he had to reactivate. How dumb.

I walk back all moody and cross. And then I forgot I left my contacts at Clapton's.

Went into the apartment, cleaned up all of the cans and bottles. Cleaned up everything. That took a good hour. Knocked out till my parents came by at 1:30 pm.


This is what I get for going to the jacuzzi after closing time.

God is punishing me for breaking the pool rules.


Plus... I've got a stuffy nose and scratchy throat. Lovely.
post comment

I Drive Myself Crazy [12 Oct 2006|03:24pm]
Here we are, in front of the University Lecture Hall, waiting for class to start in about a half an hour. It's not worth the wait, really. It's the worst class I've probably ever taken so far here at UCR. I should have ditched, but then I shouldn't ditch my friend Mark and leave him in Boredom, either. I realized that I haven't been writing on Livejournal in a while. To be honest, I am kind of embarrassed to actually write an entry because someone might think of me as a dork. Oh well... so I am one. If I bitch and whine on lj, then so be it.

What to bitch about now...?

I definitely have to be assertive. I tell myself that it's vital to not drive myself nuts just getting worked up about every little thing that annoys me. Why do I do that? Back to the subject-- I need to be assertive, but the problem is that I don't want to. So where does that leave me?
I think I'm just picking on the Fourth Wheel because I can, and I think it's fun. But I'm picking on her introvertedly. So... in my head, the Fourth Wheel is the Jude Law in I <3 Huckabees, and I am Jason Schartzmann. Actually, it might be the other way around. I don't know. Whatever.

Retracing my steps because I deviated again: I believe that I am turning back into the little anti-social person that I was senior year. Like the Kat of 10 Things I Hate About You. And what's funny is that I enjoy being similar to her. If only I had a Heath Ledger. Will is not really a Heath Ledger... and David says he looks a bit like David Boreanaz. So I don't know. He's my Buffy the Vampire sidekick.

------

Here's another issue completely off-topic:
Something that Carrie would like to write about, but I am curious about what goes on in the heads of boys who like airheaded girls with no hint of intelligence in their speech. I don't get it. Earlier, Will came over to visit on Tuesday. He and Gabby were in a conversation, and Gabby asked "Why do pretty girls not have boyfriends and ugly girls do?" Fourth Wheel has a boyfriend, but I have to admit, she is pretty... so Gabby's accusation doesn't really apply in the Fourth Wheel's case. Anyway, my question is a bit similar to hers, "Why not me?" Why do guys fall for girls that aren't as dare-I-say-it (please don't think of me as vain) pretty as I am, or as intelligent as I am? That sounds pretty harsh, but really. I'm not jealous or anything like that, it's more like questioning why. Why do they do this?

Enough of this didactic speech. I'm going to go now and wibble.
1 comment|post comment

New Roommate, Very Pissed [23 Sep 2006|10:16pm]
Today, Sam left at 6 in the morning to go visit her long lost brother who's visiting for a couple of days from Japan. Had a hard time sleeping and dreamt about porcupine spiders that fling out quills or needles from their bodies, attacking me. Yeah.. woke up in a panic all sweaty and hyperventilating. I wonder why? Anyway, I was feeling up to cleaning my refridgerator, but alas, my addiction to playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time took over, so I decided to play a little of that. Before that, I took a shower, and I believed that I could just spend the entire day half naked in my apartment alone. But the conservative (and cold) side of me decided that I should wear a robe. So I did.. played Zelda in my bathrobe. All of a sudden, I heard someone insert their key into my door. What. the. fuck?
Gabby wasn't supposed to come home until tomorrow or Monday, and Sam left hours ago.. so... poof, here's a new roommate. And her dad. I totally forgot what I said because I was in SHOCK. Complete SHOCK because I had no idea someone moved in and plus I was in my bathrobe. (and to think I was going to be like Rachel on Friends all neekkkiiiddd!!!).

So my new apartment mate who's in the room next to me is Mailan. No idea what her last name is. Don't really care all that much. This is breaking the Trio.. the Trilogy. We'd have to take everything down a notch. All the inside jokes, all the partying, etc. I guess Gabby can't walk around topless anymore. This TOTALLY BLOWS. I.. I am at a lost for words. This girl is living right next to me. She's going to be eating at the same kitchen, using our utensils. She's already messed up the kitchen system. GOD. I told her to put her mac 'n' cheese in the second to right cabinet, and all she said to me was "Oh, it's ok, I'll just leave it right here." Uh.. HELLOOOO?!?!??!? PLUS, her family is staying over. Her little brother came in and started playing MY Nintendo 64. She's watching Sam's TV; her parents probably moved everything around in the fridge. Good God. Plus they were looking at OUR stuff in the kitchen cabinets... like STARING at it.

SO. PISSED. I'm going to get a stroke from all my blood boiling from head to toe. It feels like there's been a huge invasion. Where's my army of roommates????
post comment

Great Wall of China [07 Jun 2006|01:13pm]
[ mood | at ease ]

I've analyzed over and over again until I've gotten the basic gist of what my fears and feelings are about this dude.
1. I've put up a guard on my feelings. Not going to make the same mistake by liking someone in a short amount of time. Taking this slowly.
2. I'm afraid of what kind of person he is. I'm afraid of what I might find out.

It's good that he has a lot of work to do and doesn't live in the hall. That way, I don't have to get sucked into seeing him all the time and turning into an extra appendage, or turning into Saimese twins.

Going to take this in a mature fashion: slow and steady.

In other news, Kina has to start packing up.. almost time to go. I realize that I'm going to miss these people, whether or not I talk to them or see them all the time. Luckily some of the people are going to be living in the same apartment complex as me, Gabby, and Sam, so it'll be good.

And of course, the drama up in here never ends. Alexis is making her last effort in splitting up the entire hall to be the fucking continent of Africa. But enough about that.

I need more boxes to pack up my things. I didn't realize how much I've acquired over the year. Too many clothes, too many things. I'll have to call my parents to bring more boxes or something. And I'm going to have to do something with my stash of alki.

post comment

What I Know (or Don't) [05 Jun 2006|04:09am]
Here's a hopefully growing list of things that I know about William Gould:
1. He's 24
(to me, that's a scary age difference)
2. half Jewish, half Mexican
(cool...he's wise with money and got latino rhythm)
3. works for a company called ICT/ITC/ITC(WHATEVER!) company, which deals with tech support.
4. English major
5. A smidge taller than me
6. likes to bite... (uh...)
7. lives in Riverside/Belmont Shores (lovely beach... one of my favs)
8. was on cross country in high school
9. had his skin grafted because he got caught in an automatic gate
10. ???
post comment

Secret Garden [05 Jun 2006|04:09am]
My weekend started out shitty on Friday night. Hung out with Rocio, Paula, and Abril in my room drinking Everclear and orange juice. Got fucked up with one shot (151 proof!). So then Jony called asking if I wanted to go to a kegger. First of all, Jony doesn't DRINK. Second of all, Jony definitely doesn't go to keggers. But I'm guessing his roommate Will, whom I met just as I was about to leave for Spring Break, wanted to. So we go, and it's not your typical kegger with hip hop dancing, hyphy movement, or reggaeton. It's straight up 80's music and the girls didn't like it one bit. So they walked back and I was about to leave, but I decided to stay because the party was picking up a bit.

I had fun, just dancing to 80s and talking with Will. He came back to the dorms with me and we were just chillin in Ole's room. I played a game of Super Smash Bros. with Jony but I was definitely being slaughtered cuz there isn't a lot of coordination when under the influence.

Will ended up sleeping over in my room. Just for the record: Kina is STILL celibate since I declared it. Good job, Kina.. pat on the back.

The next day, I invited him back to a hall barbecue and he was kind enough to oblige. Fast forward to several hours later at a party where a drunk Kina was phoning Will on her cell, possibly sounding coherent enough (he said 'thank you' for the invite to the barbecue).
After I got back from the party, I talked to Princess until 6 in the morning talking about my fears of getting into a relationship or how I felt about this guy.

Fast Forward to today around 4:30 where I called him up to invite him to sneak into the botanical gardens "just to hang out". Left him a message and started freaking out about whether or not he would call. He called about an hour and a half later since he was moving his office stuff into a van. That was good. I was freaking out for nothing.

Picked him up with Sam and her new guy, Rob, and drove those two blocks. Snuck in with a bit of squeezing past the roundabout. Both couples were together for about a few minutes, and then we branched off. We had excellent conversation and a little bit more...


So I don't know what he wants from me. And I'm going to find out hopefully in time before my emotions take over. I need to be careful. Can't be in the same situation as the last one.
1 comment|post comment

Guy-dar [02 Jun 2006|03:54pm]
I realize that I am back to my normal singleton, sarcastic and bitter self. Hassan had a date last Friday, and Sam and Gabby both have dates tonight. Am I jealous? Hell yeah.
The last time I had a date did not end with a potential boyfriend (not that I wanted it to) but... where am I going to find a guy? If not in SMHS, probably in UCR, and if not in UCR, where else?
Maybe this problem could pose another reason why I should transfer to Berkeley, but I heard NorCal guys like titties, not booties. Damn.

Do I really want a guy? Do I really need that commitment and worrying about another person? I'm also afraid to get too close now.

Is it all worth worrying about?
2 comments|post comment

Mckenzie-Mueller Pinot Grigio [04 Apr 2006|03:05pm]
Gabby and I picked Sam up from the Long Beach Airport yesterday. It took us a while because it was raining in Riverside County. So many freeways. Just to let myself know: the CA-91 to the CA-55 to the CA-22 to the I-405... I think. That sounds about right. So right after we picked Sam up, we spontaneously decided to head to the beach. We didn't have a camera, so we stopped by Long's Drug on Lakewood Blvd...among other things like Mother's oatmeal cookies, Twix bars, and a wine bottle opener. Headed out to Sunset Beach. We just sat out there, under my pink heart blanket (it's third trip to Sunset Beach), drinking some of Sam's family-owned wined. I only tasted a bit. It was tres bien. It was like our own version of Sex and the City. We just needed a fourth person.
But Sam lost her phone. We think she probably dropped it while she was doing a Baywatch run along the shore. We scoured the beach for it. No luck. We had a fantastic ride back, though. Just singing to all these songs, and going through the freeways without any traffic--or cars, for that matter-- and blasting out "SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE!!"

It was a perfect girl hangout. But then again, I've had lots of perfect girl hangouts this Spring Break, so I was really happy that it didn't change all that much when I came back. Especially since I'm so much closer to You-Know-Who (and I don't mean Voldemort). You-Know-Who is still playing that "Hide from Kina" shit again. Sam and I were talking about how it hurt how we can't just be friends with guys we went out with. The guys are uncomfortable around us.

Judging by the syllabi of my classes, I will be quite busy this quarter. And it doesn't help that my GPA isn't that high.. SOOOOO, I have to raise it. And the only way to do that is to get straight A's. An impossible feat. Seriously.
An A in Calculus for Business? Fuck that. An A in Psychology? Fuck that. An A in Geology? Fuck that. An A in English 1c? That might not be impossible. Especially if we're analyzing comic books (I hit the jackpot with this one!).
By the way, there's no room for an A-. They have to be A's. Really strong motherfucking A's. An A minus= 3.70. And an A= 4. So yeah, I have to do well. Especially if I want to transfer to Berkeley and ESPECIALLY if I want to study abroad in Italy. Or anywhere else that requires and 3.0 gpa.

I had my first class this morning at 7AM. I woke up at 6 AM and it was still dark outside. I went to sleep for 25 more minutes before I got up and it was still dark outside. That's fucked up. It's a discussion, but the problem is that I have to have 2 discussion classes per week, instead of 1, so on Monday and Wednesday nights, I'd have to sleep at a freakishly early hour, like 10PM latest. I never went to sleep earlier than 10PM since kindergarten.

Oh well, there's a first for everything, right?

Oh yeah, I think I'm back to that state where I'm longing for some guy to sweep me off my feet. Or like I'd meet him while I'm in class, or while I'm researching something in the library and accidentally bump into a guy who'd actually take interest. The rational part of me is saying "Like that will EVER FUCKING HAPPEN!". Will it ever happen?

I think not...


Good God, I'm a singleton again. Officially.
post comment

Higher Standard of Living [25 Mar 2006|08:37pm]
The past two weeks or so, I've been going through some shopping therapy to ease the pain of Nick not being my significant other anymore (the reason why I've been on the dl for a while). So far, it's been working, as long as I've got bank. So I've gone through all the receipts to see how much I've spent-- and the splurge total was humongous. I just hope I haven't overdrawn. errgghh.. and I still have to save enough to buy books for this upcoming quarter.

I've analyzed myself too much this week. My conclusion is this: since I don't have anyone to depend on anymore (and I was plunging into that downhill spiral of dependency.. ugh) I started relying on things that won't break my heart= shoes. When I came back for spring break, I had three new pairs to break into. And today, "Nordy's"/Nordstrom had a shoe sale, which was simply irresistible. One day, I will OWN a pair of Ferragamo shoes. It's a must, because if my mom owns a pair, I will certainly have to own some before I die. So what did I do at the shoe sale? Buy more shoes of course! Two pairs, to be exact. ooohhh.. I really want to wear them soon.

And so the total amount of money I splurged leads me to another conclusion: study harder at school. Because this girl needs her masters in Business Administration, with a minor in philosophy, and another minor in psychology in order to make it to the top. That way, I could definitely invest into shoes.

Just to let you know, shoes weren't the ONLY things I bought.

So here's a declaration:
No using my Debit Card (which I've come to love so much, and I've been flashing it at cash registers all over SoCal) unless I use it for-
1) gas
2) books

and POSSIBLY 3) food

no more trips to the Fashion Center in San Diego, Moreno Valley Mall, Santa Anita Mall, Tyler Mall, or Glendale Galleria.

There. This seems like a version of "Confessions of a Shopoholic" except, it's my life.

I feel really superficial right now.
post comment

The Unjust and Just [11 Jan 2006|11:42am]
I finally found a class worth talking about in my lj: Philosophy 3- Ethics and the Meaning of Life. Yeah, sounds interesting, doesn't it?

I should really be taking a nap right now, because it's the only time that I could do it, but I find today's topic in philosophy to reflect my thoughts during senior year.

Currently, we're reading The Republic by Plato, which is a discussion between Socrates and some of his peers about different things. We're on Book 1, which is an argument between Socrates and Thrasymachus about the meaning of justice. Thrasymachus, being the rational egoist, believes that those who are unjust, or immoral, are the stronger, because they will be able to get through life, compared to that who is honest and virtuous. Of course, Socrates believes that is untrue, that those who live honest lives in a just manner lead happy lives and are happier people.

It's just funny to notice how I was thinking that exact same thing during high school. I never understood how I, who would work hard (to some extent) but never cheat on a test, eventually got a low GPA, while others who cheated and focused primarily on just getting the A, were able to "succeed" and progress to "better" colleges such as UCLA, USC, etc.

I don't think I can continue, because I'm getting sleepy, and a nap would be the best cure. I just wanted to jot some notes down to think about, maybe for a future entry.
post comment

Chronicles of Kina [03 Jan 2006|02:29am]
Reading my past journal entries is very depressing. It just proves how there is no end to this constant worrying in life.

Sigh.
post comment

Six Days Till Returning to Riverside [31 Dec 2005|02:47am]
And counting down...
I just came back from a tedious trip with my family from Arizona. I thought I couldn't handle Seal Beach, but this was nervewracking. One of the better vacations, I'll have to say, but it wasn't the best. Then again, there will never be a "best". We stayed in the Flamingo/Hilton casino in Laughlin, NV, across from Bullhead City, AZ. From all of this, I decided I'm not going to go home during Spring Break. I can either head down to Mexico with my hallmates (depending on exactly who goes...) or go up to visit Kelly Bo.
My dad, mom, and bro can do whatever the hell they want to do, as long as they don't drag me along.

I need Nick to crack my knuckles.
I agree, I haven't been posting very intelligent entries. Recently, they've been very shallow and.. well that's about it, isn't it? Shallow.

I can imagine it now, my cyberspace audience throwing rotten fruit at me with "boooo! Come back later with more insightful things to say!"

What the hell... it's my brain. Can't stop it from having brainfarts from "intelligent" entries.
Ok, so here's an obvious thing to put in around this time of year:
New Year's Resolutions!!!

So THIS year..
1. For winter and spring quarter, I will do my best in school and accept NO C's. (I hope this is achievable, knowing how utterly dumb I am becoming.)
2. No more drinking on Thursdays! (except for this upcoming Fun in the Sun because it's a welcome-home kickback)
3. Get a fucking job. (Not literally fucking.)
4. Be more confident about myself and my actions (this is by far the most difficult feat, I think.)
oh yeah:
5. Skateboard better.


So 5, hopefully doable, resolutions that will tie me over until past the second or third week of January, when everyone's forgotten their New Year's resolutions. So good luck to all of you who have resolutions to brag about while drinking your bubbly at a fancy party. Meanwhile, I'm going to figure out how to complete all of mine.
post comment

Merry Dorming [15 Dec 2005|04:11pm]
So, I'm done with my finals, and I'm just hanging out in the dorms. Why you ask? One, Kelly isn't back home yet. Two, I don't really feel like seeing my parents right now--I think two and a half weeks is enough time to spend with them. Three, Nick's still here.

I just passed out candy wrapped in tissue and candy to my hallmates. I hope that they like them. Twenty dollars for forty people? Good going, Kina. Way to stretch the dollar.

Although I'm happy living in the dorms without family problems breathing down my neck, my nose is not. I'm congested, and Nick already gave me medicine. I should be feeling a little bit better, which I am. But, my nose is dying. It feels like it'll fall off like Michael Jackson's nose.

I don't really feel like updating anymore. So I will just stop right now.
post comment

My Christmas Wishlist [14 Dec 2005|04:06pm]
All right. I've been thinking about what I want for Christmas, and I've realized that the prices for the items that I want will probably break your wallets.

For example:
1) A Razor phone (which I can get for myself once I get a job--I actually had a dream about it this morning)
2) A skateboard (this is a necessity because all of my classes are on the outskirts of campus--on the other side)
3) A digital camera
4) Dior Addict perfume or Chance Channel perfume from sephora

but that's just the selfish side of me speaking. Also, I needed to put those things down in hardcopy so that way I know what to save up for. I need the skateboard now, so I can practice going to class every morning. The digital camera and phone can wait.

Ok, a wishlist that's less than aim-for-the-stars:
1. Anything from Side CCA (which is the new store in Santa Anita near OLD NAVY) is cool.
2. As always, CDs are awesome.
3. Care packages for when I go back to my dorms are awesome, too.
4. Edible treats :)
5. Jewelry's cool, too.

I'm not trying to be a Christmas horde, I'm just giving people clarity, since I always say I don't know whenever people ask me what I want. So there it is.
post comment

A Quick Update [11 Dec 2005|09:09pm]
Just some stuff to take note for myself:
Nov.
S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22
23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30

Dec.
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11


and still going.
post comment

What Was it Like Being 17? [05 Dec 2005|12:51am]
I'm afraid that one day, my kid's going to ask that question, and I won't know the answer. It's been a little over a half a year of being 18, and I've already forgotten what I was like "at that age".

It feels as though I've lost my innocence amidst the haze, the buzz, the dizziness, and the ahemahem. I've lost pleasure in the things that I used to like. For example, going to Zephyr at 10 PM and just hanging out, or talking with a cool buddy about shoelaces, or unusual OCDs. Someone's shoved me into this adult world where I have to change my attitude and naive views to adjust in this community.

I feel like I have to start thinking more about myself, and my goals, rather than looking at everyone else, their feelings, the entire world. It's entirely selfish, and I hate it. I used to be able to have empathy for those, and cry along with others. But I've been drilled into some sort of ice queen, without having a need to cry. In a way, it's a sort of strength, and a sort of weakness. This gaining a new strength is a loss for me. I'm losing a part of myself. I've also gained confidence, but it's the exact same thing.

I realize it's just another revamping of my life, but it's kinda too drastic for me. Or at least, I don't want a huge chunk of me disappearing into the past. I still want to be me. I still want a part of me to be 17.

One thing that I notice that I haven't changed is my ability to be trodden upon when it comes to speaking with two or more friends. I guess that'll always be a Kina thing.


I guess what I'm saying is that in the end, I don't want to be a totally changed person, where I'm beyond recognition. That's all I'm saying, and I don't think I need an entire longass essay entry to say that.
post comment

November [24 Nov 2005|09:13pm]
Just some stuff to take note for myself:
Nov.
S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22
23 24 25 26

wow. 11 times. amazing.
3 comments|post comment

hyperdetournement: the continuation [02 Nov 2005|10:43am]
paragraph 2 paraphrase (my best attempt):
detournement has a strange "power" that obviously comes from the double meaning, from the "enrichment of most of the terms" by the combination of the old and new elements.
*What does 'the cheapness of its products is the heavy artillery that beraks through all the Chinese walls of undrstanding'refer to? What is this quote referring to? that made in china products are cheaply made? or does it refer to the Chinese way of thinking?

"Detournement is a game made possible by the capacity of devaluation" Detournement is a gamde made possible through lessening? WHAT??????
"Detournement is thus first of all a negation of the value of the previous organization of expression." Detournement is something + its inverse to create this new identity.
*What's a 'detournable bloc'? 'vaster construction'? faster construction?

oh.. found the answer to what SI means- Situationist International: an international political and artistic movement.

situationist as "having to do with the theory or practical activity of constructing situations."

"situationist activity is a particular craft that we are not yet practicing" so.. should we be practicing it? are supposed to be involved with situationist activity even more?

Detournement is the signature of the situationist movement. detournement=situationist. (what? that totally negates detournement of the web. if we're not part of the situationist movement then we're not practicing detournement. wait.. no. detournement does not = situationist. it's only a definition- a symbol).

"losing grip on reality and being reduced to self-parody". i don't get this AT ALL. SNL, MadTV, Everybody <3 Raymond, Happy Sunday Show, - so...? Is this referring to the world as a whole? Our culture? Our media? "forms of expression"... are we speaking in a way where we always make fun of ourselves, our culture?

Era of contradictions- what I said before.. about East meets West, etc. "the essential voyages of discovery have been undertaken by such astonishingly incapable people." So DUMB PEOPLE=COMPLETE GENIUSES (because of their stupidity?)
Is this another parody?
2 comments|post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]